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March 31, 2007

You should never expect things. Even the most fundamental things. Even if you've earned them, don't expect to get them.

MARCH 27, 2007

I have gotten it into my fool head that I should know how to skateboard. I mean, it seems like my entire generation skateboards. Also, I love the movie "Dogtown and Z-Boys". So, c'mon, obviously I should be able to do this.

Of course, I should point out that I am a complete and utter klutz. I never learned to roller skate, and the the one time I tried snowboarding I ended up in an emergency room to seek treatment for torn ligaments in my knee (I accomplished that grand injury as a twenty-something amongst children on the bunny slope--not embarrassing at all).

So anyway, this past weekend I bought a generic skateboard kit (I took the image you see on the right from the packaging. And did I mention the "kit" included an extra set of wheels? Bonus!). I was triumphant in my decision to follow this reckless path. People often say that they feel things in their bones, and I can say that at the time of purchasing this contraption, all I felt in my bones was imminent pain. My second thought, after imminent pain, was that I would have to purchase some stickers to cover the cryptic--possibly alien--writing on the bottom of the deck.

After putting the board together (a semi-frustrating event that allowed me to rage a bit), I began practicing standing on the thing. In case you don't know, the deck is not stable. It wiggles as it sits atop the trucks. I assume this helps in the steering of the board. (Oh! To someday "steer" a board!) Also, unlike in the picture, the wheels do not extend all the way out from under the sides of the board like that. Of course they don't, that might make things easier.

Three days later, I am now an expert at standing on a skateboard, but I fear actually trying to make the thing move forward. That seems impossible at this stage. And I am vain enough to not want to take it out onto the street until I can make it move forward with some amount of comfort and ease. I'm not certain I can make that happen by practicing in my apartment. Sure, it's a railroad layout and has a long straightaway leading from room to room, but there's also a lot of furniture to crash into. And yes, I will crash.

So that's where I stand now, literally: I can stand on a skateboard without flailing my arms to keep my balance. I hope to soon be able to push myself forward. Keep a lookout for me at an emergency room near you.

MARCH 22, 2007

First point of order: I was gifted with a bottle of Old Raj gin this week. It is delicious, and I think about Raj chilling in the freezer waiting for me and I am comforted.

Secondly: I have abandoned all of the serial TV that I used to tune into: 24, Prison Break, and Lost. I am tired of being someone else's plaything, sitting there, being teased and led astray instead of entertained. Entire episodes of nothingness occur. Several formerly important characters in an ensemble cast get no lines for half a season.

Well, listen to me show runners: It no longer matters to me if Jack Bauer can stop all the evil in the world or if The Others are just like the rest of us. I don't care. And I know that the people writing this shit don't have it as planned out as they'd like us to believe.

I guess that's what's so gratifying about a stupid, meaningless, "unscripted" show like America's Next Top Model. I don't particularly care about the women on it, but at least there is a clear and evident progression every week. In each episode something concrete happens: one person gets booted. Closure.

Sitcoms, if clever, are also satisfying. There is one story and it's finished by the end of the episode. Done. Sure, there's always the odd to-be-continued two-parter, but more or less I can watch My Name Is Earl and not have to worry about following it week to week for it to make sense. Right now, that is what I want in my life.

I want to be entertained. I want distraction, not frustration. I want to know how things stand. I don't want to be bothered by mysteries and the unknown. I don't want the stress. I don't want the games.

MARCH 17, 2007

Last night's snow is this afternoon's swamp. The sun is beating down on Williamsburg and the sewers cannot keep up. Every corner demanded hip waders to make it across with some semblence of dryness. This is what happens when winter and spring battle for territory.

Mindless overheard conversation:
I overheard this in a store today, a clothing store. I was in there because there was a knockout sale -- brand new, totally fine clothing marked down to $10 -- like shirts and skirts that were originally marked $75 each (oh, the sales that come with season change).

Anyway, one woman in a perfectly okay looking dress is basking in the compliments of a friend who gushed over said dress... "Yeah, it's great and comfortable." Other woman: "How much?" Woman in dress: "That's the best thing, it was only $100. So it wasn't bad at all." That's when I stopped listening.

This is the difference between that woman and me. I would never spend $100 on a dress and then wear it to schlep around on a slushy, messy Saturday afternoon. Afterall, I was in that store excited at the possibility of buying never-before-worn clothes for a possible $10 (hell, you'd be hard-pressed to get something used for $10 at a thrift store in Williamsburg).

MARCH 12, 2007

This morning I was dumbfounded to learn that I had inadvertently contributed to a big ol' box office weekend for Hollywood. Last night I saw "300".

I don't go to movies often, but the call came from friends whom hadn't been seen in a while, and so off to see "300", I went.

It's a piece of ancient history-turned-graphic novel-turned-film. It was exactly what it was advertised as: violence and blood, with a story so scant (yeah, yeah, I know, the moral is freedom is worth dying for, got it) that it seemed like a two-hour preview of a new video game. And you bet your bottom dollar that video game is soon coming to a console near you.

Anyway, what floored me, and I guess, the suits in Hollywood, was that this film for geeks and gamers that was more or less panned by everyone except Richard Roeper managed to pull $70 million in its opening weekend (the studio had its sights set on $30 million).

And I was a part of that. My $11 was a part of that haul. I'm not so sure if that makes me feel a part of something bigger, or just an idiot.


MARCH 10, 2007


You will never be prepared for life. You have no control, and it will blindside you and leave you broken in the gutter, standing above you, laughing. You cannot beat it.

MARCH 4, 2007

If it is possible to drown with one's head well above water, then I think it has happened to me. But on to other things.

I found this wrench on the street. It was bent this way. I like to think that it was in an awkward position -- in a pothole, perhaps -- and a tire rolled over it and changed its shape. However, there are tool marks on it that are fairly irrefutable.

FEBRUARY 28, 2007

I'm not so sure this is a good idea. I am notoriously quick to make opinions, and not-so-hot at defending them. And let's not forget just how rampant the blog is these days. A security blanket for the maladjusted and dorkified. It really makes me just another idiot with nothing to say, but a whole lotta cyberspace to say it in. Forgive me, I know not what I do...

 

 

 

This could be me someday soon!

He makes it look so easy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Try this gin.

 

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Yes to sitcoms and reality shows

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

property of Warner Bros.

SPAAAAAAAAARTANS!